As autumn begins to transform into winter I find myself pondering the changes for both better and worse in all aspects of my life. From the analysis of friendships to the assessment of paralysis recovery wins and losses this year has been a bit of a whirlwind. I keep hoping that if I pause long enough to catch up my head will stop spinning. In the process of healing myself both physically and emotionally I have come to terms with the reality that I am not the person I was a year ago or even just six months ago.
Friendships had always been weird for me I grew up as a sick kid that spent a fair amount of time in the school infirmary. It was not until I was a sick adult that I made friendships that lasted throughout the ebb and flow of years of growth. By the time I was reaching adult hood I was over two years into my paralysis recovery and grieving the loss of my favorite human and best childhood friend. Albeit painful, I truly believe that it helped me gain the authentic social circle I have cheering me on through the good, bad, and ugly of this entire process. Sure I’ve lost many friends and associates along the way because they needed more attention than I could give, but I just hope they found the people they needed in their own lives.
Having true friends to share those things with has made my recovery significantly easier to process knowing that I have never once been alone in it. That being said, this year of my recovery topped the charts for pain, which I did not think was possible after last year. The bad days were equal in weight to the great ones though. Despite the pain I had a bunch of little things micro-movements if you will over the last six months since my grs and being off testosterone blocker. This year I have begun to regain my opposable thumb and it may not sound like much, but I am a solid ten percent better at picking objects up and holding my guitars. As well as improved ankle strength thanks to a new anterior foot orthotic so I stumbled less everywhere I went.
I know I have been beyond absent this year but I hope that everyone’s year has had equal parts good to the bad.