That Moment Where Everything Changes For The Better

As a common saying goes, “everything can change in an instant”. Personally I have had a few of those circumstances arise for me personally such as: paralysis and waking up after my GRS feeling like my meat suite was completely my own for the first time. It seems like no matter your stage in life or area of expertise we are all just waiting to achieve that next goal in Hope’s that it causes a shift in our lives for the better. We should be more focused on just being happy in the present despite the conditions.

I will always honor the years I have spent rehabbing my body and the daily activity required to maintain my health for the rest of my life as one of the best life changing moments because I learned to see the world in a whole new light. Among many other things I learned, patience, self love and gratitude for the smallest of wins. If I’m still alive when middle aged I think om going to be one of those people that says things such as,” every day above ground is a good day.” People think it’s intense that I see that event as a positive thing, but I actively made the decision to have my right temporal lobe craniotomy revision, I even signed the surgical consent myself because I was old enough.

Honestly in the weeks leading up to my recent operation I pretty much fell off the grid. Going into surgery I was so stressed my anesthesiologist was actually cracking jokes with me to try and get me to relax before she gave me the epidural, of course I panicked my last operation left me half paralyzed. There was literally no better feeling than “waking up” post OP and realizing that the procedure had gone just as planned and despite still being frozen from the waist down , which was kind of strange I was left with tears of joy rolling down each cheek with a grin from ear to ear. I’m not going to lie, I definitely had my doubts if this surgery would complete my medical transition or not, but to my surprise it did. I might need to learn to just have a little more faith in things turning out well. It turns out surgical recovery is pretty relaxed. when it’s an uncomplicated minor operation. I have been trying to just take it easy so I heal, but those who have followed me over the years will know that I’m bad at taking it easy.

Finding Yourself In Times of Transition

We all get lost from time to time, whether you just lose parts of yourself or you have lost all of yourself that you have previously known. Personally I lost a lot of myself for a few years when I moved home to recover and transition. It has taken me upwards of three years to get back to the central parts of my being, most of which was taken back throughout my transition. Living an inauthentic life took me in various directions none of ,which were bringing me closer to where or who I needed to be, thus I was lost.

With my GRS coming up in a few weeks I have been stressed, while trying to preoccupy my mind. This has lead me down each adventure and memory of my transition and left me grateful that I’ve made it this far since my paralysis. On the other hand it has me trying to line up my next adventure as well as post secondary again. Everyone that knows me knows I like to keep myself busy, so you probably know that waiting on this operation and the college admissions waiting process has me antsy.

One of the many perks of my fair ride of a life is that even in young adulthood I have the physical and emotional coping skills to tie myself over until after my surgery. I’ve been spending a tonne of time both making music and getting back into a calisthenic workout routine so that I’m not just getting in shape, but being creative as well. I may always have a remaining physical impairment, but it taught my humility, self love, and true perseverance so I will continue to just embrace my paralysis as one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Moving back home to transition has been rocky at the best of times, but that was partially my own fault for leaving a majority of my friends and socialites about 10 hours away. Moving back was not a brilliant idea, but it certainly reminded me of the resilience still left in me to not give up on my own goals no matter how hard it gets, or how rltemoted I was to walk away from everything. I’m even trying to plan my move to somewhere relatively far away within a few months after my operation to commence a new chapter in this odd little life of mine in a brand new place.

How’s everybody doing?