Pain, Progress, and Procrastination

I sit here a little overwhelmed at everything that is going on right now, but realistically I am coping pretty well. Both physical and emotional pain have been high for a couple weeks, and I’m doing what I can to deal and push through it. With my pain levels as high as they have been my progress has slowed, and I’m trying to accept this as just a step in the process.

Let’s start with the emotional pain: this week my brain acknowledged that a handful of trauma anniversaries are coming up all within the next two months and I’ve been using every coping mechanism I have. I’m lucky enough to know myself and exactly what I need in these times because, December and January have been tough ones for me for years now. My most used tools this week were: square breathing, meditation, physical activity, and getting musically creative. If you are struggling this season do not forget to reach out to someone you trust and talk about it.

Between a spike in my chronic migraines and recovery pains I have gone back to having more rest days than productive ones and being the perfectionist I am is quite frustrating. So much of this time is spent pent up on the couch staying as still as possible so I don’t make the nausea worse. Probably why I used to play three instruments that took little to no torso movement before paralysis haha. As the body heals and muscles grow so does the pain. It feels like every other day the pain is a new game. I have to wake up and take each day as it comes, no plan, only a general direction and the internal drive to continue to heal.

I am hoping that next week is at least physically easier so I can get some of my personal goals back on track. Whatever happens happens and will continued to be honoured as just part of the journey. How are all of you doing this week?

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Why Art?

People often ask why I have so many creative outlets, and instead of just saying for my health as I normally do I thought I would elaborate on it a little further. Whether it’s sketching, writing, painting, or practicing an instrument all of my creative outlets come with more than one benefit. They both help to better my mental and physical health and why would I argue with things that all around help me feel a bit better?

The human brain responds differently to each different type of therapy (physical, occupational, music, art, etc.) So other than my recent focus on physical therapy and music therapy I do my best to keep it well rounded so that all areas of my brain and my injury are getting the attention that they need. As of late my body has clearly been responding better to music therapy so that’s how I exhaust myself on days when I can focus on my physical health.

Even before my paralysis, art has always been my outlet. From visual and fine art to performance arts they have consistently been my go to. Even bored in classes I used to just sit and doodle through lectures because my teachers and instructors never said anything that was not already in the textbook haha. The sooner one finds healthy ways to cope with what life throws at us, the sooner we can thrive. Then there were my teens that were very dark so I always just drew what I was feeling. I actually went through all my old sketches from that time period last week and realized i was in a lot more pain than i acknowledged at the time. From faking happy to being genuinely happy in an 7 year timeframe, it’s an astronomical difference.

In the comments share with me what your devices are.

Update on Addison

As you know ive been quiet for a while now. I’ve been busy focusing on my recovery by means of trying to relearn all my guitar chords. A couple weeks ago I also had an interview for the living without disguises project. Similar to my novel it’s never a dull moment here.

Since being back home I had casually been playing my roommates electric guitar and I knew that in order to get more serious about playing I needed to buy myself an accoustic so I bought my yamaha Apx600 in oriental blue burst. It’s been s couple months with her and it’s clear that I was missing music therapy. I continue to practice my chords, but one day I’ll be able to master those scales.

As for my interview with the Living without disguises project. Since my misgendered review I’ve been trying to step up my queer visibility so it was perfect timing to speak out on how I got here. Feel free to read the interview here.

Just as how I finished my novel I will continue to recover for the rest of my days. Never forget that you can do anything you put your mind to as well.